guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
