I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
