I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
