I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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