you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
