I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
