We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
