why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
