i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
