You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my being single is dangerous.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
