happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
