DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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