yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
