yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
