if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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