just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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