meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
