does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
