omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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