like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i've created a new STD.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
