So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
