the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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