You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
