He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
