Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
