Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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