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Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
