The maid of honor just puked.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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