I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
