I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
