So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
