I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
