i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
