The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
