I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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