We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
