I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
