So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
