Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize