dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
