Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
