I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
