his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
