Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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