ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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