I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
