i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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