Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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