chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
