I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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