Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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