He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
