dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Four minutes until I can fart!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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